mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
