If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Drake has all the answers
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You were trust falling into bushes
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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