these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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