Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
