My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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