I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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