How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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