you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just had sex on a roof
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
