The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
