I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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