Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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