I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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