Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
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I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
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I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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