She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
