do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
