My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
