Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
