no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
