We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
