i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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