I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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