Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
