If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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