Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
