My hand turned me down
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
