your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
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After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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