No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
