I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
ttyl tear gas
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
