Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
