she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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