This girl is more easily done than said...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
