i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
