I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
