Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
