Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
