i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
