I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
