did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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