Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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