I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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