Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
