Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
