Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Floor bacon is actually really good
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
