Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
