She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
