This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
