Dual....:-)
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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