i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
