Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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