Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
