omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
