Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
