This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
