i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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