I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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