FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
