i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
