Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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