About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
