I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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