If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
