No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
