the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
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Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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