My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
