Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
