Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
