Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
