I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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