May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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