Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
