If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
