i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
