Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my shit smells like andre
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
