I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
