No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
