That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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