Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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